Sex

[ellenmed]

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when woman make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which make hair shiny and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases the chemical endorphin into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

This message has been sent to you for good luck in sex. The original is in a room in Malaise. It has been sent around the world nine times.

Now sex has been sent to you. The "Hot Sex Fairy" will visit you within four days of receiving this message, provided you, in turn, send it on.

If you don't then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your life. You will eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off.

This is no joke!

Send copies to people you think need sex (who doesn't?)

Don't send money, as the fate of your genitals has no price.

Do not keep this message.

[SidewaysY]

SAFE? Since when has sex been safe? I can think of 1,000 different ways it's dangerous and irresponsible.

Doesn't stop me, however. :-)

For me, it's a great way to get things done around the house. :-)

[sophisticatedmoma]

The whole saliva washing away food in the teeth is grossing me out......

[iggy]

Wow...who knew? Alright, I'll start trolling the office for co-pilots, as it were.

[sunshinegirl]

Did anybody really need any of these reasons?

Interesting all the same. :)

So what's with "Do not keep this message"?

[SidewaysY]

I think it means "reach out and touch someone."


I think we each have our own reasons, other than that list, but on occassion I have used it to relieve headaches.

[insearchofjason]

I want a report on my desk in four days... who's gotten some and who hasn't. ;)

[MerrySunshine]

Tee-hee, Ellen! :o

The best thing I can offer in the way of results, and, frankly, the closest thing I have to sex (and the closest thing I will have for some time given my personal proclivities and the state of my romanctic nation at this point in time) is an invitation to go see Herman's new house tomorrow night (if we have time after work) and the renewed promise of dinner cooked by him at his new house once he moves in. Hey, that's something, right? ;) :D

[SidewaysY]

I want a report on my desk in four days... who's gotten some and who hasn't.

I have turned down more than I've gotten, and I don't admit to having gotten any to those I've turned down. However, I know where to get it when I want it. :-)

[ellenmed]

Mer, This is turning into a soap opera. We all live vicariously through you.

[MerrySunshine]

It's not really a soap opera. It's not near that dramatic or traumatic. ;) It's just life, you know? :)

[kentuckychic]

May I go ahead and turn in my report early? I'm pretty confident in saying that I ain't gettin' any.

[MerrySunshine]

Teacher's pet. :p

Always finishing your homework before the other kids in class! :rolleyes: ;)

[iggy]

Well since ellen posted this thread, there's been no having or doing of the sex.

[insearchofjason]

I have a date on Saturday night... and since it's a first date, I'm going to go out on a limb and say there won't be any sex.

On the other hand, my little rockstar friend just got back from tour and wants to hang out this week. That would involve sex. And he's good at it. :D

[NikDC]

I'm gonna fail this class...I just know it.

ISOJ blows the curve. Euphemistically, that is.

[iggy]

Better than eucharistically.

[sunshinegirl]

You know, having a boyfriend again makes me forget why it was that I didn't want to be in a steady relationship.

Could be because all my past boyfriends were jerks.

Regular sex however is a big bonus.

[iggy]

Rahaha...regular boyfriends are better than irregular ones.

[sunshinegirl]

They are less cranky, that's for sure.

[iggy]

but maybe the same thing can't be said for regular vs. irregular sex

[insearchofjason]

Why am I just now noticing that iggy's avatar looks like a walking turd?

[iggy]

Because you're always a few weeks late.

[sunshinegirl]

The other day the new boyfriend called me "sunshine". Just out of the blue. Scared the crap out of me.

I'm afraid now that maybe he is watching the boards. In which case, I hope he doesn't go back a year or two...

[iggy]

That's a classic. I was at dinner the other night where people were discussing Iggy Pop. It was "Iggy this" and "Iggy that."

I had to surpress my need to speak in haiku about my laminated list.

[MerrySunshine]

Odd.

I was called yesterday a "regular Mary Sunshine" by a co-worker.

I think we're being watched. :eek:

[insearchofjason]

Yeah.... nope. I can't say I've ever been called ISOJ.

[NikDC]

You've been called your username somewhere else though...That's pretty darn bad too.

[LJK]

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around someone being named Herman who isn't 90. He isn't 90, is he?

[MerrySunshine]

Herman is his pseudonym on these boards. One cannot be too careful . . . . He's 39 and has a real name suitable for a 39 year old. ;)

But LOL @ the thought of me being some 90 year old man's bit of stuff! :p Just call me Anna Nicole! :D

[Short Chris]

I'm betting his real name is Dirk. That sounds like a 39-year old attorney's name, doesn't it? Any other guesses out there?

[MerrySunshine]

Some people who actually know his name better keep their mouths shut! :eek: ;)

[MerrySunshine]

P.S. Dirk sounds like a 39 year old porn star name to me . . . .

[SidewaysY]

As for being called your handle... I've been told I am perfect but "perfect excuse" never came up. :-) Oh wait. That was me that said I was perfect... so that technically doesn't count.

As for the report... Saturday night is going to be, achem, lots of fun, shall we say.

I disagree with iggy about regular sex being better than irregular sex unless he was discussing frequency of said sex.

Damn I need coffee.

[ellenmed]

People call me Ellen all the time. I know they're all watching.

Indeed, iggy's avatar looks like a walking turd.

Just got "some" last weekend.

Keeping my mouth shut. :D

[iggy]

Reread my post...I actually implied the same as you.

Ellen's TMI post reminds me of a comedian who asked if it's safe to have sex with his very pregnant wife. The doctor said it was, but then he mentioned that he was still scared that the baby would bite him.

And ellen, it's more fun for everybody if you open your mouth from time to time.

[ellenmed]

ISOJ asked a question, so, excuse the pun, I deliver.

Until it is safe to come out with Mer's info, his name continues to be Herman. Or Dirk. Whichever Mer likes.

[MerrySunshine]

I'm thinking of changing it to Fred, actually . . . . ;)

[SidewaysY]

Just got "some" last weekend.

Keeping my mouth shut

Thank you. You just caused me to spit hot coffee onto my keyboard.

[Diva4230]

**Note to self**

Need to have more sex.. It's very conduceive to healthy living..

[SidewaysY]

Have we determined the caloric content of ejaculation? I'm currently dieting, you see.

[garnet]

A teaspoon of love juice is about one or two calories so you should be alright Sideways.

[MerrySunshine]

Well, that should settle Nikki's upset stomach quite nicely. :o

[ellenmed]

Eewwww Sideways! I didn't mean THAT!!! :o :o

My banana doesn't look so appetizing anymore.

[iggy]

I'm guessing Cosmo declared swallowing back en vogue now.

[NikDC]

http://216.40.241.68/otn/puke/barf.gif

[SidewaysY]

A couple calories in a teaspoon? What about a full serving size?

Nutrition Facts:
--------------------
Serving Size: 1 Tbsp. (may vary)
Amount Per Serving
Calories: 36
Calories from Fat: 5
--------------------------------
Total Fat: 0.5g
Cholesterol: 0mg
Sodium: 999mg
Potassium: 0mg
Total Carbohydrate: 0g
----------------------------------
Protien: 10g
*Not a significant source of dietary fiber.

*Percent daily values are based on a 2000 calorie diet. Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.

Ingredients: Water, Genetic Material (X Chromosomes, Y Chromosomes), Sodium.

Amount by weight, some settling may occur due to package size.

[MerrySunshine]

God, I really did almost get sick there for a second reading that. Yikes. Too much caffeine is making the tummy queasy.

[ellenmed]

I can't believe you went there, Side. Rahaha!
You've truly earned your avatar!

[SidewaysY]

Who me? I'm innocent.

[db44]

It just seemed somehow appropirate to put this here...

From today's MetroSource News Wire:

(Salt Lake City, UT) -- So what turns an elephant on? The answer is not a joke, but a serious advance in the study of animal reproduction. Researchers at the University of Utah have isolated two smell-related proteins in female elephants which create a sexual response in male elephants and then turn it back off after mating.

[iggy]

so the human female equivalent is the gym membership?

joking...I kid because I care.

[MerrySunshine]

I'm so confused . . . . Not that this is unusual.

[SidewaysY]

I'd think any woman as big as an elephant, with rough grey skin would need help turning her man on.

Wax on, Wax off. Turn on, Turn off.

[iggy]

can't do much with limp tusks

[insearchofjason]

One can never really read enough articles about mating animals.

[db44]

Nice trunk! :eek:

[SidewaysY]

Once when I was married, my husband and I were in a petting zoo barn between two large cages. He looked at the horse and the horse lowered his thing and started to pee. My husband closed his eyes, screwed his face up in agony and went "Aw MAN!" and was turning his whole body away from the sight. As soon as his eyes opened, he was face to face with the sight of an ELEPHANT doing the same thing.

Priceless.

Men are *so* sensitive about those things. hee hee

[Daisy55]

lol i like some of the peoples avatars, SidewayY and the others. heehee (Wonders what I would be called?)