Witness Protection Program

[Short Chris]

Assuming that you're not already in it, and that you're not likely to be in the future...

If you entered the Federal Witness Protection program, where in the United States would you want to be relocated, and what would you pick for a career? Remember, you shouldn't have any ties to that area and the career should be something new as well.

I'm thinking Waddy KY would be just about the safest place to move in the country.

[Cali_1]

Chris, what would you pick for a career in Waddy, KY?

[iggy]

Savannah, Georgia.

I'd run a Bed and Breakfast.

That's a big change.

[Cali_1]

Savannah, Georgia...I'd be a masseuse at iggy's B&B...

[kevy1]

Maui and be a tour guide
(it's so not me so no one would ever know)

[iggy]

I've never been, but doesn't Savannah seem cool? Maybe it was just that Kevin Spacey movie.

When Newbs gets back, maybe he can tell us.

[pen&kev]

Austin Texas

Career Democrat for the next 4 years! :D

[iggy]

Austin sucks (don't listen to what Nikki says). Ann Richards is the only Democrat left there.

[Arthur Itis]

I'd move to Maine and become a shrimper.

[insearchofjustin]

I would also move to Maine and become a shrimper. ;)

[iggy]

It's spelled "stripper."

[Short Chris]

I think I'd either be the Postman (love the leave change for stamps concept) or a short order cook.

[iggy]

...at the Mexican place. They seem to get all the women.

[Clerks37]

seattle washington. since i work in computers i could work for MS or something like that. and still enjoy good music

[iggy]

Hey Clerks. Congratulations on the new digs. Your place is a riot.

[insearchofjustin]

Shorty would be a short-order cook, and cook shortbread and short-ribs... they'd catch your ass in a heartbeat.

[garnet]

I'd move to Montana and work on a ranch

[insearchofjustin]

What would your new name be? If you could choose it...

[iggy]

Fatty McButterpants. I would be the envy of all who knew me.

[insearchofjustin]

Shaniqua Jones. Then when all those mamma's yell my name in KMart, I could holler back at them.

[mikecheck]

Oahu, Hawaii. Ellen and I would set up a Shave Ice/Snow cone stand and market our own merchandise like so... http://www.matsumotoshaveice.com/shopping/adultt/images/a043c.jpg

that's just a shirt design... check out the snow cone...

http://www.matsumotoshaveice.com/images/g17.jpg.

Just turn Ellen and I into a japanese couple and you've got Ellen and Mike Matsumoto.

[garnet]

Dang, that snow cone is huge! I want one of those.

[Cali_1]

Cola slurpees are MUCH better than that snowcone, aren't they garnet??

[garnet]

Definitely! Especially those Strata Slurpees...the 40 something ounce ones...

[ellenmed]

Matsumoto Shave Ice is No Ka Oi (the best)!!

Unfortunately, I think that's one of the first places they'll look, mike. Better think of another disguise.

[NEWBS]

I would work at a Beverly Hills art gallery, and my name would be Serge. (See Bronson Pinchot's character in BHC)

At night, I'd be a professional heckler at a local comedy club.

With my universally known dislike for anything "Los Angeles", no one would find me there.

Otherwise, I'd work for the ground crew at Pac-Bell Park in SF. Or wait in the cove for homerun balls.

[blubutterfly21]

San Francisco - Hare krishna

-------------OR-------------

Hawaii - lei girl


LOL ;)

[SidewaysY]

I'd go underground as a software hacker, creating game programs that brainwash children and adults into following the golden rule.... under the clever guise of slaughtering innocents in the streets with automatic weapons shaped like Poke' Mon or something. Singlehandedly saving the world from selfishness and greed, while all the while entertaining the masses.

My name would be Sister Mary, to ward off any visitors who didn't have at least SOMETHING to repent.

By night, I'd be Dr. Seuss on America Online, meet my perfect man, and introduce myself as Blaze Star (porn star in the 50's.)

I need to go cruise the streets for a murder to witness 'cause this sounds like more fun than my current life.

[PB&Kev]

Send me to southern Florida or California and make me a chef.

NEWBS didn't answer the questions about Savannah, Iggy, but if I'm not mistaken it's a largely gay community. I'm not sure you'd like it there. It is supposed to be beautiful though.

[iggy]

I thought all the gay folks filtered down to Athens. Oh well, no worries. I'll just have to invest in some assless chaps. Soon, I'd be mayor.

Mike and Ellen: two Filipinos on Oahu. They'll never find you, trust me.

[NEWBS]

Oh, I'm sorry.

Savannah SMELLS!

iggy, just once you need to spend St. Patrick's Day in Savannah. It is one large party you won't believe! You enjoy alcohol, so you'd definitely have a great time.

Athens is the home base of R.E.M. and the B-52s, FYI.

[kentuckychic]

Chris you better plan on being a farmer if you move to Waddy!!! Of course I think the truck stop is always hiring so you could probably get a job as a short order cook. Postman is taken-has been for years now-unless you want to go into training for when he dies.


I would like to move to New York and work for Rosie O'Donnell. Of course if she decides not to do her show after this year (which she is talking about)then I'd have to find another show to work at. Probably David Letterman. I want a job where I can meet celebrities!!!

[kentuckychic]

This reminds me....a few years ago I watched a movie about the witness relocation program. I think Michael J Fox starred in it but I'm not real sure. Anyway, he came home from school one day and his family was gone. The rest of the movie he was trying to find his family. It was pretty good.

[insearchofjustin]

After careful consideration, I'm going to take back my wishes of being a shrimper in Maine, and go for moving to Chicago and working for Oprah.

Did anyone catch her show on Friday? She treats people WELL.

Can I be her friend?

[PB&Kev]

I don't watch Oprah any more. She's just gotten too "feel good" for me.

What was it about?

As far as I'm concerned, it's not a talk show unless there's a few good bitch slaps involved. :D

[iggy]

If he was the voice of a dog, it was Incredible Journey or something.

[insearchofjustin]

Oprah had her 'favorite buys' of the holiday season on the show. And each thing she brought out, she had one for every person in the audience. They must have went home with $5000 worth of stuff.

[NikDC]

Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey.

Don't think that's what KY was thinking of.

[iggy]

I was just waiting for KY to mention Sally Field.

I like her...I really like her.

[NEWBS]

iggy likes Sally Field. There's hope for him yet.

iggy, did you like her as "Frog" in Smokey and the Bandit"?

[iggy]

Actually, I don't like her that much. I find that she plays the same character whether she's at her daughter's funeral in Steel Magnolias, a distraught single mom in Mrs. Doubtfire, or a raging bipolar in ER. Let's see some range already.

She's no Brett Butler.

[noobz]

What about Forrest....Forrest Gump, and Norma Rae?

How could you forget "Gidget"?

[igster]

Or "Not Without My Daughter."

[brandon86]

is that the one where she's married to some Iranian and he sets her up?

[80s Old Fart]

Yeah, that sounds about right. Never saw it.

Whenever there is a snag at an airport counter (when isn't there?), I always bang the counter and furiously say "Not Without My Daughter." The uniformed agents don't know what to do with me.

[Cali_1]

Don't forget The Flying Nun...that was Sally at her best...

[NEWBS]

Sister Butrill?

[2old4this]

You could find me in the Florida Keys being a rock critic.

[MJ]

It appears that my secret is out...I'm already in the Witness Protection Program...why else would I be stuck in a hick town and working in a factory...

[mikecheck]

Sally Field did a great job on ER last Thursday. Ellen and I were discussing a possible Emmy Award winning show again.

[iggy]

Yeah, she'll win the Emmy. But the show was just kind of eh. If I miss next week, I'm just renting Soap Dish. Same thing.

[insearchofjustin]

I was just excited she had a bag of Einstien Bros. bagels with her.

[ellenmed]

I liked the fact that it was in letter box form. Definitely had the motion picture feel to it. Maybe Sally doesn't want anything less.

BTW, good morning all.