grab your sign

[iggy]

I thought about taking another day and going down, but look at the mob outside the Supreme Court. Crazy. What is grap? Strange.

http://www.cnn.com/images/0012/top.overhead.supct.jpg

[insearchofjustin]

Is that outside the TRL studios? Grap is Howie's hair.

[iggy]

Just because you have the freedom to assemble doesn't mean you have to cause a scene. I don't think old Sandy or Clarence will be the influenced by your cleverly worded signs.

[NikDC]

I could hear the chanting on the radio this morning. Nothing like cleverly adapted Vietnam War slogans to raise the rabble.

Hey Hey Ho Ho, Al Gore Has Got to Go.

Gore is More. Gore is More.

Where's a speech writer when you need one?

[iggy]

Bush's speech writer hasn't once had an original thought. Mention life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness again.

[SidewaysY]

Outside the courthouse here in Tallahassee, the local radio station is going to release a chicken in the middle of the road. One side is designated to each president-dude. Supposedly the chicken is going to decide.

Personally, I want to see 'em arm wrestle. (Don't blame me, I voted for all of them.)

[~*Goody2Shoes*~]

Enough already, this thing is getting out of hand. I think they should give everyone in Florida a piece of paper and a pen and have them write down one name, either Bush or Gore and than put it in a big box so they can be counted.

[iggy]

I think there should be some sort of state-wide brawl to see who wins the critical 25. Those elderly Jewish voters may not look like much, but my guess is they're crafty in a fight.

I wonder how long until this whole drama becomes an HBO made for TV movie. Tommy Lee Jones will play Gore and Bush will be a shaved three toed sloth. Katey Harris will be portrayed by Anna Nicole Smith.

[~*Goody2Shoes*~]

They should get booked on Smack Down Thursday night and have it out. Winner takes the White House. The Undertaker can be the special ref. for the match. I bet some insider already has movie rights to this.

[iggy]

Do you smell what George W. is cooking? I'm sure it's some sort of liquid lunch.

[SidewaysY]

Am I electorated yet?


Is it Bush or Gore
Eenie Meenie Minie Mo
Pick one already


Okay, I've never gotten a haiku right yet, and I feel SO left out. Is this right this time? I think it's my southern drawl that sticks more syllables in than you guys.


[Edited by SidewaysY on December 1st, 2000 at 08:37 AM]

[MerrySunshine]

Now, iggy, why you hatin' on Gubner George. He's got a right purty smile . . . and besides that he used to own the Rangers! (No, not New York, Texas.) Seriously, I do like him better as our governor than ol' Ann. And it has nothing to do with policy, it's that I think that Ann's really just an old transvestite with the best Barbara Bush wig I've ever seen . . . .

[iggy]

Ann used to be the only thing I liked about Texas. She's a spit fire. I have no idea what kind of governor she was, but she's got spunk.

[MerrySunshine]

Spunk . . . and hair that she wears like a hat . . . .

Truthfully, (and I know that, having heard my accent, you will scoff) I just thought she played -- and continues to play -- up her accent soooooo much. It annoys me. I mean, if a person from East Texas (notorious for producing some of the thickest, unintelligible accents in the state) thinks your accent is harsh, your accent is harsh. But the TX Governorship isn't a strong position anyway . . . I honestly can't tell the difference from governor to governor most of the time . . . just a different talking head for a while.

[NikDC]

Worked for me, Sideways :D

[iggy]

The Senator elect from VA is George Allen...who is from California, but he fakes the most intense old South accent to fit into the Old Boys Club here. I hate him more than the smell of popcorn. Chuck Robb was strange, but he was a good Senator. He'll be back.

[MerrySunshine]

Sort of like how George H.W. Bush, born and raised in Maine, I believe, was suddenly a Texas Son when he was running for Veep and for Pres. Hmmmmmm . . . . W. wasn't born here either, but we accept him as a true Texan b/c he was heavily involved in the corrpution that is West Texas oil . . . and b/c he single-handedly kept Lone Star Beer in business for a good 10 year stretch.

[iggy]

Who brews Shiner? I'd vote for him.

[ellenmed]

Mornin', folks.

I keep getting these Dance Off e-mails to decide the Presidency. Funny, but still doesn't help the cause.

[MerrySunshine]

It's brewed at the Spoetzl Brewery in Shiner, Texas. The brewmeister is named John Hybner.

[iggy]

My write-in ballot is already prepared. As much as I'm in Dallas, I now have residency.

[MerrySunshine]

Excellent. As long as you're a new Texan, let's let you be a resident of Highland Park and you can live in one of those great mansions . . . . imagine the Trivial Pursuit games under the crystal chandalier of the formal dining room! (You should give me a call the next time you're here, BTW, if you have time . . . .)

[mikecheck]

Alan Keyes for President! Imagine if you put Bush, Gore, and Keyes on Jeopardy, I'm sure Alan Keyes would come out on top especially under the category of Speech 101.

[iggy]

Will do. But usually I try to minimize my exposure. Maybe you can finally show me the JFK memorial. Never seem to get there on my own.

[MerrySunshine]

Absolutely. It's right downtown. The sad thing is, though, that I've lived around here all my life and the first time I even went to look at it was a year and a half ago when I took Nik to see it. For the life of us, we couldn't figure out where the grassy knoll was . . . .

[iggy]

Ugh. I just read Antonin Scalia's questions during the hearing to the Gore team. He is such an ass...so is his son (I went to college with him).

Just so you know Ruthie is my new favorite Justice. She looks like a Ruthie.

[MerrySunshine]

I like Sandy. (Yes, I know her opinions are often off-the-wall.) Her appointment to the USSC was the reason I decided, at age 11, that I wanted to be a lawyer . . . . :) But she doesn't look like a Sandy at all . . . .

[iggy]

She's older than dirt now. Souter's more of a woman than she is. That's a crack on him, not her.

[MerrySunshine]

Older than dirt? Maybe she does look sandy, er, like a Sandy then . . . . I never even remember that Souter's on the Court; that's how much I think of him . . . .

[iggy]

I miss Thurgood Marshall.

[MerrySunshine]

I really liked Justice Brennen . . . . how nerdy are we???

[iggy]

*stops making Bader-Ginsberg tube top*

What do you mean?

I really need to stop hanging in the Election Forum.

[MerrySunshine]

*horrifying image of RBG IN a tubetop*

[iggy]

I think the entire bench should take their portrait in tube tops. They're in for life, nobody could say anything.

[MerrySunshine]

Plus, even those old guys have the breasts for it now . . . I'll be some of them could fill a bra better than I could . . . .

[SidewaysY]

How the Grinch Stole Election Day
By Frank Cammuso and Hart Seely
(With respects to Theodor S. Geisel.)

Every Chad
Down in Chad-ville
Liked voting a lot ...
But the Grinch,
Who lived just north of Chad-ville
Did NOT!

The Grinch hated voting! He thought it a bore.
Now, please don't ask why. Could be Bush, could be Gore.
It could be his heart bled with liberal mush.
It could be, perhaps, that he listened to Rush.
But I think the real reason his trust was so shattered
Was the great Grinchy view that his vote never mattered.

BUT
Whatever the reason,
Lack of trust, lack of goals,
The Grinch dreaded that day when Chads went to the polls.
He just hated those speeches and negative ads,
And when push came to shove, he just hated the Chads.
He just hated their theme parks, their football-team rooters,
He just hated their gun laws, their barmaids at Hooters.
He just hated their weather, even hated their hate.
And he hated that they were a battleground state.

"So they're making their choices," he snarled with a sneer.
"This 'Decision Two Thousand' is practically here!
"They'll struggle to choose 'tween a crumb and a bum,
"'Cause a voter's a voter, no matter how dumb."
Then he growled, his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep outcomes from coming!"

For tomorrow, he knew ...
All the flag-waving souls,
Would again waste their efforts on Clintons or Doles.

And by then, oh, the polls! Oh, the polls! Polls! Polls!
Polls!
That's the one thing he hated! The POLLS! POLLS! POLLS! POLLS!


So the Chads, rich and poor, and by bus, car, or boat,
They would vote! And they'd vote!
And they'd VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!
They would vote to ban smoking or clearing your throat.
They would even vote laws in for curbing your goat.

And THEN ...
They'd sing that anthem. It always came later.
Be they Bush-ites or Gore-ites or ites of Ralph Nader.
They'd stand close together, and though still full of fight,
They'd stand and they'd sing, by that dawn's early light.

And the more the Grinch thought of Election Day's ring,
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
"Why, for two hundred years I've put up with it now!
"I MUST stop these outcomes from coming!
"... But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!
Yes, a legal idea!
THE GRINCH
GOT AN AWFUL BUT LEGAL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed with a jig.
And he wove from his goat a Sam Donaldson wig.
And into the mirror he spoke with grand rancor,
"With this helmet of hair, they'll all think I'm an anchor!"

"All I need are some ballots ..."
The Grinch looked around.
But since ballots were private, there were none to be found.
So he made his own ballot, printing letters quite little,
And he scattered the names, running holes down the middle,
And he stuck it together with Chad-berry spittle.
And he said, "They'll need Einstein to figure this riddle!"

THEN
He loaded his boxes, and without looking nervous
Put a sign on his van that said "Voter News Service."
THEN
The Grinch pulled away in his van with a screech
Toward the pads of the Chads in a place called "Palm Beach."

When he came to the first polling place in the square,
All the lines were quite long. Thoughtful talk filled the air,

As the Chads chatted merits of managed health care.
"Vote early and often," the Grinch said with a grin.
And he marched to the front of the line and stepped in.

There he left all his ballots, the strange ones with punches,
And instructions that said, "Please punch punches in bunches."

As he slunk out the door toward the nearest Grand Hyatt,
He could hear what you'd think was an Elian riot.
The Cohens sisters Esther, Mitzi, and Shannon,
Just realized that their votes had all gone to Buchanan!

At a place in Dade County near a middle-school yard,
The Grinch donned a shirt that said, "Polling Place Guard."
And he eyeballed each Chad and said, "Where is your card?
"Voter card? Motor card? Credit card? Diner's?
"Face card? Race card? Baseball card? Shriners?"
And he turned them away. Then the Grinch, like a fox,
Stuffed all of his ballots and locked the lockbox!

Then old Grinch returned home to go "LIVE" on TV.
He had waited quite late: (It was now eight oh three.)

So the Grinch Network News first projected a score:
"Now with one percent in, we pick Chad-ville for GORE."
Every Gore-ite in Chad-ville said, "GIVE US SOME MORE!"

So he pulled more projections straight out of his stack.
Then, "Oh, dear!" said the Grinch, "I must take it all back!"
So the Grinch Network News, in grand fairness to all
Now reported that Chad-ville was "TOO CLOSE TO CALL."

"Don't be mad, all you Chads, for this isn't a scandal,
"It was just," the Grinch said, "we forgot the Panhandle.
"The science of sampling can leave one out-simpled."
So the Chads were left hanging and pregnant and dimpled.
And the stress of it all put George Bush among the pimpled!

Then the Grinch raised a finger for the night's final push.
"Election Day's done, and the winner is BUSH."
After all, George was leading at least by a dozen.
(And whenever it's close, always go with your cousin.)
"Play the music, the songs, pop the corks, sing the praises,
"'Cause with Bush as the winner, you're all getting raises!"
And then the Grinch yawned, "This election stuff's hokey,
Good-bye 'till next year! And now back to you, Cokie."

And the Grinch, he went back to his old Grinchy pad.
But en route, he was nabbed by a little Chad lad
Who had stayed up all night (quite ignoring his dad).
He stared at the Grinch and said, "Sir, who's our leader?
"Is it Bush? Is it Gore? Or, my choice, Derek Jeter?"
And the Grinch simply smiled: This day couldn't be sweeter.

They were finding out now that no outcome was coming!
They were seeing it now, all their dumbness and dumbing.
"They're just waking up!" he said. "Here's what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"And the Chads down in Chad-ville will all cry, 'WE'LL SUE!' "


As he stared down at Chad-ville, the Grinch popped his eyes,
But the scene that he saw brought a shocking surprise.
All the Chads down in Chad-ville, Chad lads and Chad dads,
They were counting the votes, they were counting the chads!
He hadn't stopped an outcome from coming.
IT CAME!
SOMEHOW OR ANOTHER, IT CAME JUST THE SAME!

As the Grinch with his head buried deep in the sand
Sat puzzling and puzzling, "They will count them by hand?"
Yes, it came with the lawsuits, it came with the lawyers,
It came with Tim Russert, it came with Bill Moyers.
When the ballots were plucked and the counting was done
The last margin of victory turned out to be ... ONE!
And if the Grinch had just voted,
... HIS GUY WOULD HAVE WON!
And what happened then ...
Well ...
In Chad-ville they say
That the Grinch's small district
Grew three sizes that day.

'Cause the minute his mood had come out of its slump,
The Grinch said, "Hmm! I could be running this dump!"
So he formed a committee to do all the work
And he ...
HE HIMSELF!
The Grinch ran for town clerk!