Forgiveness

[Queen Stephanie]

Do you believe there's nothing that a person's faith can't get them through?

I'm kind of at a crossroads in my life. I have severe issues with hate. It's an extreme emotion and I want to get past it, but I'm stuck. I want to forgive , but I can't seem to forgive myself.

[tiger_rascal]

There are people that I have not forgiven, because its best to leave the past the way it is and not bring it up again only to cause more pain.

As long as you can move on and have that forgiveness in your heart and mind, I believe thats all that matters. Do not dwell on it, leave it alone.

But dont listen to me, I have the same obstacle... myself. I feel that I am quite possibly the most undeserving person in this world, no matter what people tell me, its something that I must get through in time, and I will. I can not fathom what Jesus did, though I do believe it, and to think that He did it for me too boggles my mind.

[oldernow]

Stephanie,
hon whatever it is that is causing you to hate ask God to help you to get rid of it. Pray on it and believe he will take it from you. If you continue to feel this way you will remain in limbo. Hating takes alot of effort and it leads to nothing but misery.
Your in my prayers as I am sure that others here will pray for you also. If you want to talk privately send me a P.M or to anyone you feel comfortable with.
And Listen to Chad(tiger_rascal)he is one of the kindest and caring people around. Love covers a multitude of sins, and God forgives all just for the asking.

[bluehorizonx10]

^What Patty said is beautiful. There's not a lot more to add to that, but that we all have times in our life and people in our life that hurt us. Sometimes we let that consume us. Even the best of Christian's cannot conquer that bad feeling. I have one in my past that went to his grave still undeserving of forgiveness as far as I'm concerned. If you let your mind dwell on it, your life will be nothing but a struggle.

As Patty said prayer is the key. But I also feel that the deep love and kindness you feel for others takes away that hurt and hate. God will always replace the bad with the good if we open our hearts to all His love. Each day here on earth is only the stepping stone to Heaven, so we should try our best to keep our eyes on that and in that way we continue our mission for Christ which of couse will include love and forgiveness. That's how we conquer it in the end. The Holy Spirit will guide you if only you allow it. If you're fighting Him with the hate you feel toward others He can't fully lead and guide you. So essentially the key is love, love for everyone around you. Put the past in the past, ask forgiveness and accept that forgiveness. If we go to the altar with an open heart and ask forgiveness, don't walk away from there carrying the same burden as you knelt down with. Like the old hymn says "take your burdens to the Lord and leave them there." You're forgiven once you ask. Don't rehash all those burdens again.

[DoubleEdgeSword]

We only hold on to certain behavior if we are getting some kind of payoff from it. Ask yourself what you're getting from hating. Do you feel righteous? protected? superior? Hating yourself for having those feelings only compounds and obscures the problem. Instead of hating yourself, look at your behavior with a sharp, objective eye. Ask a trusted friend what she or he sees.

Not forgiving someone only causes us pain. The object of our hate couldn't care less. The person may have hurt you, but by carrying that anger, you're allowing him/her to hurt you again and again.

At the root of anger is fear, frustration or hurt. Try writing in a journal what you feel without using any word that means "anger." Instead of writing, "I'm so upset at so-and so," try "So-and-so did this and it made me feel afraid," etc. Once you can identify the real emotion behind the anger, you will have a better chance of dealing with it, letting go of the hatred, and forgiving yourself and the other person.

Good luck.

Okay, that's my Dr. Phil moment for the day. ;)

[MerrySunshine]

I agree with all of the above.

Praying to God to help you move on is essential. But God also wants us to look at ourselves with a critical eye and to do what we can to change ourselves, so everything DES has advised I would advise you do too right along with the advice of prayer and leaning on God. DES is also right -- the object of your hate doesn't care, so all you're doing with your hate is tearing yourself apart. If you can't bring yourself to forgive, try instead to get to a point where you just don't care one way or the other. There are some people in my past that I've not been able to forgive, yet, but I don't hate them anymore. When I think of them, I really don't feel anything. Instead of something that I stew over and that causes me to hate, it's now just stuff that happened in the past that I've left in the past. It's almost like it was a totally different person the stuff happened to, not me at all. That, I think, is the first step toward forgiving. First, killing all the feelings kills the negative ones . . . then maybe you can move forward with the positive action of forgiveness. I hope you find your way out of the hate -- I will pray that God will help you figure out how to do that. :)

[Queen Stephanie]

Thanks everyone for the replies. :)

I have started to pm some posters on this board. All of you express yourselves so eloquently.

You all are right. It does take a lot of energy. I used to be a very good person a year ago. I haven't gone out and committed mass murders this year or done anything blatantly evil, but I know I'm no longer in God's image. I've become very bitter and it has left me in emotional dire straits. I just lash out and hold onto my anger.

But I know it's wrong. I have prayed to God for a cleansing of my soul. I think its starting to work. I'm getting stronger and lifting myself up from despair. The ice around me is starting to melt. Being here with you kind people helps. That enables me to help my one friend. He's really going through it. :( But God is bringing me through this slowly.

Oxy, you are right in Nietzsche's phiolosophy. I'm just stronger because of the struggles.

[oldernow]

Your going to be ok Stepahanie. Believe and God will get you through this. And know that we are all praying for you. :wink:

[BSBGeezerFan]

Sorry, late to the party as always.

Stephanie, yeah, wisdom around here is kind of rampant.

I, too, have terrible issues with forgiving myself. The way I have come to grips with that is if God forgives me when I ask, if I don't then forgive myself and move on, you know....poking it with a stick and chewing it over and over again and thinking about how I am so unworthy and so on.......then that means I know me better than God who made me knows me. Not a place I want to go, so I HAVE to forgive myself.....and move on to shaping my life in His image again.

And as DES has said, when you hate, you give over a great deal of energy to something which keeps you from living instead of wallowing endlessly in the grip of an emotion you don't even want to feel. Emotions are good but letting them take over your life is not good besides being extremely tiring......and you have to feed your hatred when your time would be much better spent doing other things.

It comes down to anything which takes your eyes off God (including over-emphasis on yourself, whether positive or negative) needs to be put in its proper place and/or prayed right on out of your life.

I did a pretty decent piece of praying for you myself.

[Queen Stephanie]

You guys really have a nice way with words. :)

I'm going to try and forgive in the new year. I'm battlong depression which makes it hard, but I'm going to have faith.

This weekend, I went to my cousin's wedding. She was real pretty. I was having a good time and then I saw the mothers of the 2 guys who had sexually assaulted me. And then I saw one of them. :cry: By the grace of God, I was able to move away and retain my composure. I was actually kind of numb. I wonder if I can ever forgive him. I probably should have confronted him, but he would have made me think I was crazy. And I didn't want to ruin my cousin's wedding.

[bluehorizonx10]

I admire you for walking away. That takes courage, control, and grace to do that. It also takes the love of God in your heart to be able to turn away. I'm not sure I could have, even though we are to forgive. Stephanie, you'll be in my prayers as I'd have all of you pray for me. We all have crosses to bear, and no one ever REALLY truly knows us and all the baggage we carry around. But one thing for sure, if you stick with God He will supply your every need, even the peace in heart to overcome the hate you must feel toward your attackers. God bless you in your daily stuggle.

[oldernow]

I am sorry if I'm intruding on personal issues stephanie, but if you wouldn't mind me asking, have you told anyone in your family or someone you are close to what this person did to you? That's alot to for one to carry around.

[Queen Stephanie]

Originally posted by oldernow
I am sorry if I'm intruding on personal issues stephanie, but if you wouldn't mind me asking, have you told anyone in your family or someone you are close to what this person did to you? That's alot to for one to carry around.

I'll tell you in pm.

But the abridged version is that my family- especially my mom is friends with all these sick perves. :rolleyes: Everyone was hugging each other. No one would believe me anyway.

[Leezard]

Originally posted by Queen Stephanie
But the abridged version is that my family- especially my mom is friends with all these sick perves. :rolleyes: Everyone was hugging each other. No one would believe me anyway.

I'm very sorry to hear that! I think that we all, in our humanity, want to believe that the people we love are good and would never do something like that so I can see how hard it would be for your family to accept that. I hope you know that you are loved by someone who knows all and if you let Him, He will meet you right were you're at all you have to do is open your heart to Him. That's one of my favorite things about God...when I'm down and need a helping hand all I have to do is reach out, I don't have to lift myself up to meet Him because He's already there. :) You are in my prayers!

[Queen Stephanie]

I received this in an e-mail.

"IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST ANYONE, FORGIVE HIM AND LET IT DROP."


MARK 11:25
Forgive it and drop it!


Satan will try to convince you that if your feelings haven't changed
toward the person who wronged you, you haven't truly forgiven them.
That's a lie! You can make the right decision and still have the wrong
feelings! This is when you need faith to carry you through. You've done
your part, now you're waiting on God to do His part, which is heal your
emotions and make you feel well and whole. Only God has the power to
change your feelings toward the one who hurt you, and He will.


Another misconception is, that all we have to do is make a decision to
forgive, then our job is finished. No, listen: "Invoke blessings upon
and pray for the happiness of those who curse you, implore God's
blessings [favor] upon those who abuse you" (Lk 6:28 AMP). Bless them?
Yeah! And that word bless, actually means "to speak well of." Ouch!
You're extending mercy to those who don't deserve it! But isn't that
what God does for you?


The truth is, you cannot truly forgive without the Holy Spirit's help.
None of us can. So today why don't you pray, "Holy Spirit, give me
strength. I forgive [name] for what they did, and ask You to bless
them. I turn the situation over to You. I trust You for my total
restoration. Help me, Lord. Heal me of my wounds. In Jesus name, Amen."
Now, by faith, leave it all in your Father's hands!


Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own
understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your
path. (Proverbs 3:5-6)