SparkleHugs
Jan 15th, 2004, 07:24 PM
> DEMOCRAT
>
> You have two cows.
> Your neighbor has none.
> You feel guilty for being successful.
> Barbara Streisand sings for you.
>
> REPUBLICAN
>
> You have two cows.
> Your neighbor has none.
> So?
>
> SOCIALIST
>
> You have two cows.
> The government takes one and gives it to your
> neighbor.
> You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his
> cow.
>
> COMMUNIST
>
> You have two cows.
> The government seizes both and provides you with
> milk.
> You wait in line for hours to get it.
> It is expensive and sour.
>
> CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
>
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
>
> DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
>
> You have two cows.
> The government taxes you to the point you have to
> sell both to
> support a man in a foreign country who has only one
> cow, which was a
> gift from your government.
>
> BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
>
> You have two cows.
> The government takes them both, shoots one, milks
> the other, pays
>
> you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the
> drain.
>
> AMERICAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an
> IPO on the 2nd one.
> You force the two cows to produce the milk of four
> cows.
> You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
> You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
> have downsized
> and are reducing expenses.
> Your stock goes up.
>
> FRENCH CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You go on strike because you want three cows.
> You go to lunch and drink wine.
> Life is good.
>
> JAPANESE CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
> an ordinary cow
> and produce twenty times the milk.
> They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
> Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
>
> GERMAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots
> of beer, give
> excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an
> hour.
>
> Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation
> per year.
>
> ITALIAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
> While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
> You break for lunch.
> Life is good.
>
> RUSSIAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You have some vodka.
> You count them and learn you have five cows.
> You have some more vodka.
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows
> you really
> have.
>
> TALIBAN CORPORATION
>
> You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
> You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
> creature's private parts. Then you kill them and
> claim a US bomb blew them up while they were
> in the hospital.
>
> IRAQIAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> They go into hiding.
> They send radio tapes of their mooing.
>
> POLISH CORPORATION
>
> You have two bulls.
> Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting
> to milk them.
>
> FLORIDA CORPORATION
>
>
> You have a black cow and a brown cow.
> Everyone votes for the best looking one.
> Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote
> for the black one.
> Some people vote for both.
> Some people vote for neither.
> Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
> Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell
> you which is the best-looking cow.
>
> NEW YORK CORPORATION
>
> You have fifteen million cows.
> You have to choose which one will be the leader of
> the herd,
> so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas
>
> CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
>
> You have millions of cows
> Most are illegals
> Arnold likes the ones with the big tits.
>
> You have two cows.
> Your neighbor has none.
> You feel guilty for being successful.
> Barbara Streisand sings for you.
>
> REPUBLICAN
>
> You have two cows.
> Your neighbor has none.
> So?
>
> SOCIALIST
>
> You have two cows.
> The government takes one and gives it to your
> neighbor.
> You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his
> cow.
>
> COMMUNIST
>
> You have two cows.
> The government seizes both and provides you with
> milk.
> You wait in line for hours to get it.
> It is expensive and sour.
>
> CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
>
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
>
> DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
>
> You have two cows.
> The government taxes you to the point you have to
> sell both to
> support a man in a foreign country who has only one
> cow, which was a
> gift from your government.
>
> BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
>
> You have two cows.
> The government takes them both, shoots one, milks
> the other, pays
>
> you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the
> drain.
>
> AMERICAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an
> IPO on the 2nd one.
> You force the two cows to produce the milk of four
> cows.
> You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
> You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
> have downsized
> and are reducing expenses.
> Your stock goes up.
>
> FRENCH CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You go on strike because you want three cows.
> You go to lunch and drink wine.
> Life is good.
>
> JAPANESE CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
> an ordinary cow
> and produce twenty times the milk.
> They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
> Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
>
> GERMAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots
> of beer, give
> excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an
> hour.
>
> Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation
> per year.
>
> ITALIAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
> While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
> You break for lunch.
> Life is good.
>
> RUSSIAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You have some vodka.
> You count them and learn you have five cows.
> You have some more vodka.
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows
> you really
> have.
>
> TALIBAN CORPORATION
>
> You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
> You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
> creature's private parts. Then you kill them and
> claim a US bomb blew them up while they were
> in the hospital.
>
> IRAQIAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> They go into hiding.
> They send radio tapes of their mooing.
>
> POLISH CORPORATION
>
> You have two bulls.
> Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting
> to milk them.
>
> FLORIDA CORPORATION
>
>
> You have a black cow and a brown cow.
> Everyone votes for the best looking one.
> Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote
> for the black one.
> Some people vote for both.
> Some people vote for neither.
> Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
> Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell
> you which is the best-looking cow.
>
> NEW YORK CORPORATION
>
> You have fifteen million cows.
> You have to choose which one will be the leader of
> the herd,
> so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas
>
> CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
>
> You have millions of cows
> Most are illegals
> Arnold likes the ones with the big tits.