OT: Something That Has Been Bugging Me Lately

[lost_n_justin's_smile]

I'm sorry, this is sort of a venting post, but I need to get this out.

I don't like being back at home. I feel like I've lost all my independence. I can't just hop in the wheelchair and go anymore, I have to ask my parents to take me places, and usually they're to tired or busy to do so. I also feel like I can't relate to them anymore. My mom and I used to be able to talk about everything and now I have trouble talking to her. On the day she came to pick me up I was telling her about one of my friends who left the day before. It was kinda sad for me because he chose not to come back next year and he lives five hours away, so it's not like I'll get to see him often. It was a sad experience having to say goodbye and more than a few tears were shed. I was telling my mom about it, and I almost felt like she didn't care. She just didn't seem interested in what I was saying. That bothered me. Another thing that bothers me is that she always has to tell my whole freakin' family everything. A few weeks before school ended, I was asked out. I respectfully declined because I wasn't interested, and besides that, the guy was 26. So I'm home and my uncle comes down and says "What's this I hear about you being asked out". I guess it just bothers me that she has to tell everyone everything. I've always been the type of person to tell my parents everything, but if this is gonna keep happening, I'm gonna stop.

And now that I'm home, I feel like I have no friends. My high school group of friends have drifted apart, half of them don't even talk to each other anymore. I spent the night at my friends house last week and it was just like old times. I loved it. But after awhile, I felt like I had nothing to say to her. After w had talked about all the old high school crushes we had back in the day, I didn't know what else to talk about. I mean, she's still my best friend, but I feel like we've both changed so much that we don't have anything in common anymore. I really wanna see Mr. Lanie too, and my mom keeps telling me to call him, but I'm apprehensive. It's like "Yeah, if I felt comfortable calling him, I would've called one of the million times I was on the verge of tears and talked to him". I really, really want to see him, but I'm so scared. I'm scared that when I see him all those feelings I had are going to come back in full force. I know chances are they probably won't, but feelings like that just don't go away after a few months. He's in a relationship and I fully 100% respect that, and I'm happy for him, but I'm still afraid the feelings will come back. And I don't know how to talk to my mom about it because everytime I do, she always says the same thing, and I end up in tears. I need to let go, but I don't know how. He changed my life and he was the first person I ever had real feelings for(I know that sounds weird considering we never dated) but it's true. I guess part of me doesn't want to let go, but I know I have to.

I know, I'm weird. Thanks for listening anyway.

Lanie

[pinky]

Lanie, you're not weird. All of this is part of going away to college....you end up not having much in common with your high school friends, you get used to being independent and have a hard time adjusting to being home again (I bet you wouldn't have believed Karen and me if we had told you that in September, right? :wink: ), and even your family has a hard time relating to you like they used to, because you're now having experiences that they don't share! It's a tough adjustment, but just like every other time you've had to adjust, you'll manage to pull it together.

As for Mr. Lanie, I can't tell you that the old feelings won't resurface, but I do think you should call him! It's possible that you've both changed enough in the past year that those same feelings won't be there, and all that will be left is friendship. And if that's the case, it will help you to know that. If the old feelings come back, you can handle them.

And you got asked out by a 26-year-old?????? That's a HUGE age difference for you right now........you probably did the right thing to say no. But I can understand why you're upset that your Mom told everyone the whole story. Have you told her how much it bothered you? You shouldn't have to have your business broadcast like that.

*Sigh* You're getting all grown up. And it's not easy.

[lost_n_justin's_smile]

Lanie, you're not weird. All of this is part of going away to college....you end up not having much in common with your high school friends, you get used to being independent and have a hard time adjusting to being home again (I bet you wouldn't have believed Karen and me if we had told you that in September, right? :wink: ), and even your family has a hard time relating to you like they used to, because you're now having experiences that they don't share! It's a tough adjustment, but just like every other time you've had to adjust, you'll manage to pull it together.

As for Mr. Lanie, I can't tell you that the old feelings won't resurface, but I do think you should call him! It's possible that you've both changed enough in the past year that those same feelings won't be there, and all that will be left is friendship. And if that's the case, it will help you to know that. If the old feelings come back, you can handle them.

And you got asked out by a 26-year-old?????? That's a HUGE age difference for you right now........you probably did the right thing to say no. But I can understand why you're upset that your Mom told everyone the whole story. Have you told her how much it bothered you? You shouldn't have to have your business broadcast like that.

*Sigh* You're getting all grown up. And it's not easy.

Thanks pinky.

*hugs*

Yeah I've told my mom how much it bothers me. She did the same thing when I went out for dinner with Mr. Lanie, and I told her that I didn't appreciate having to field phone calls asking how dinner went. She was like "Well they were happy for you". Yes, I know that, but she didn't have to go and tell everyone. My aunt doesn't call and tell us everytime my cousins have dates, why should I be different?

I'm also really struggling right now with the whole major thing. I thought I wanted to do Political Science, and yeah, Law does interest me but I don't know if it's truly what I want. I can't get Nursing out of my head. I truly don't know what I want to do, and I hate that because I've always been such a planner.

[KareNsync2000]

Lanie, you're not weird. All of this is part of going away to college....you end up not having much in common with your high school friends, you get used to being independent and have a hard time adjusting to being home again (I bet you wouldn't have believed Karen and me if we had told you that in September, right? :wink: ), and even your family has a hard time relating to you like they used to, because you're now having experiences that they don't share! It's a tough adjustment, but just like every other time you've had to adjust, you'll manage to pull it together.

As for Mr. Lanie, I can't tell you that the old feelings won't resurface, but I do think you should call him! It's possible that you've both changed enough in the past year that those same feelings won't be there, and all that will be left is friendship. And if that's the case, it will help you to know that. If the old feelings come back, you can handle them.

And you got asked out by a 26-year-old?????? That's a HUGE age difference for you right now........you probably did the right thing to say no. But I can understand why you're upset that your Mom told everyone the whole story. Have you told her how much it bothered you? You shouldn't have to have your business broadcast like that.

*Sigh* You're getting all grown up. And it's not easy.
Aw, Lanie.....like Pinky said that's the way it goes in life. You will always have those memories with your friends from high school, and with your family from the years you have spent together, and now with your new friends from college. You might want to tell your mother how you feel about her sharing things with the rest of the family, but I bet she does it because she's proud of you! She may also be feeling different about you, now that you are so much more independent than you've ever been before.

By all means call Mr. Lanie. He's probably waiting to hear from you. And you may be able to make some new memories this summer with your best friend while you're home.

Karen :sunny:

[lost_n_justin's_smile]

Aw, Lanie.....like Pinky said that's the way it goes in life. You will always have those memories with your friends from high school, and with your family from the years you have spent together, and now with your new friends from college. You might want to tell your mother how you feel about her sharing things with the rest of the family, but I bet she does it because she's proud of you! She may also be feeling different about you, now that you are so much more independent than you've ever been before.

By all means call Mr. Lanie. He's probably waiting to hear from you. And you may be able to make some new memories this summer with your best friend while you're home.

Karen :sunny:

Thanks Karen.

I need to call him, I know. But I'm seriously afraid of using the phone. I can't even call my aunt's house because I'm terrified of the phone. When I called one of my other friends over winter break, my mom had to call and ask for him for me and then hand me the phone. That's how bad it is.

[Katlin]

Been there, totally done that.

I was absolutely MISERABLE for about a month after I got home. My parents and I fought like no other (and we rarely ever fight) and things were just bad.

But you get used to it. Emails and phone calls to school friends help. Besides...if you don't leave them for a couple months, how special will it be to see them in the fall?

Hang in there!

[princessKAT]

yeah Lanie, same thing happened my first summer home. It was weird b.c we all did our separate things, I went to school in OH, everyone else was at Purdue or IU. We would talk but then yeah, there's only so much you can talk about. I didn't argue with my parents a whole bunch, but I think that's b.c the older I've gotten, the looser they've gotten with "rules" for me plus I worked like 3 jobs that first summer back from school. However here's something I did learn. Keep in contact with the friends you made at school. Email, IM, call, or do whatever but catch up every once in awhile. It makes the time go by faster. Also, with your friends from home, you guys can still hang out. When you run out of things to say about hs, talk about things from your respective colleges. Diff experiences ect. You'll be surprised at how many things are similar at any college you go to. You can find out who they hang out with, listen to funny stories stuff like that. Then if you ever go to visit that person, you'll at least know a bit about what they've been up to and who they've met. It's a good way to keep connected to friends from the past and friends of the future.

I dunno, I'm actually going through just the opposite of what you're going through. I wanna move back home (like hometown not home home) and it takes everything I have to drag myself back to Dayton. I miss everyone from home incredibly and my best friend from hs just got married and I knew her (oh man it's her husband now!!!! :blueeek: i was gonna say fiance) husband but I kinda wish I had gotten to hang around with them and the people they hung out with a little more before now. But I'm really happy for her :) Anyway try to keep your head up, August will be here before you know it

[SparkleHugs]

yeah my mom tells my whole business to the whole family too. thats why i just dont tell her anything.

im sorry things are rough, but the summer will be over soon :)

[HipHopChristian]

First of all, lemme just say its not weird having someone change your life and you've never even dated them. SO have been there.

Also... I would just talk to your mom and tell her everything you told us in your orginal post. About how you feel u cant tell her things or relate, about your independence, everything. I'm sorry... i couldn't imagine not telling my mom everything, and not being able to talk to her. I don't see how going away to college would change that any less.

Sorry I'm not much help! I just wanted to be supportive and put in my two cents ;)