sofia22
Jul 8th, 2004, 10:33 AM
Scene & Heard - July 8, 2004
Killing Me Softly
American Idols Live: Wasn't the TV show enough?
by Jeff Inman
Fantasia Barrino is now just Fantasia. I think I’m going to puke. In a move more shocking than Donald Trump’s hair, the 19-year-old single mother jettisoned her last name like it was a J.Lo husband. OK, so she won American Idol 3. Yeah, Fantasia. She’s proven that she can take bland songs that most of us hoped we’d never have to hear again and, with a bit of coaching by Simon Cowell, Britain’s cattiest queen since Elton John, make them even less exciting. Bully for her. Here are the keys to your 15 minutes of fame.
Sure, the girl’s got pipes. She sings like Macy Gray before all the helium-laced pot, a high-pitched warble from plenty of Sundays in the gospel choir. And maybe with some proper songs—not the normal schmaltz Cowell sent past Idol winners out into the world with—Barrino might actually become more than a reality-TV footnote, a second-rate Willa Ford or maybe even a JoJo. But to actually go so far as to drop her last name, like she’s earned the right to hang with Madonna, Sting and Bono—well, some people will do anything to get in a sentence with those three.
But that’s the blight of American Idol: It makes people believe they’re more than just lucky. Justin Guarini is absolutely convinced he should be bigger than his ’fro, but man, clowns just don’t make good pop stars. And Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard—those guys should be giving each other high-fives over kegs of Courvoisier. They pulled off the biggest dupe of the American public since the Iraq War. Most shower singers are on par with these guys; they just don’t have stylists, vocal coaches and a primetime TV marketing machine to make little girls all gooey.
But because of a massive industry push both managed to make the Billboard charts feel dirty for a few months while the rest of us languished over our Head & Shoulders microphones. And while each play the role of humble showman, it’s hard not to notice that both Aiken and Studdard also think they in some small way deserve it.
And why? Because they’ve got broad smiles and survived heated competition with talents like William Hung. That’s all it takes these days to sneak into the collective conscious of America, people. Crack had a harder time getting noticed. But if you have the ability to destroy a few songs in front of a live studio audience and can cash in some favors for votes then you, too, can be on the cover of Rolling Stone. Pity the poor fools trying to do it the old-fashioned way.
The really irritating thing: American Idol is the Halliburton of network TV. It promises to provide a service to the hardworking folks of America—namely, finding some stunning undiscovered young talent—only to fall short on us every time. Am I to really believe that of all the millions of people in the United States, a 16-year-old kid from Amherst, N.Y., who looks like the product of a night of rough sex between Conan O’Brien and Ron Howard is really one of the best singers we’ve got? Because if that’s the case, then Orrin Hatch should get a Grammy this year.
All I can think is that the really talented singers—you know, the ones who can not only belt it, but also actually write a tune—avoid American Idol in favor of retaining their dignity. That leaves the pimple-faced high-school choir rejects, the home-schoolers who sing along to old Elvis records and the kids with over-enthusiastic parents to try out for this thing. Cream of the crop, for sure.
And the sad thing: Each one truly believes that, some day, Ryan Seacrest will say their name is that oh-so-special way. That they will be famous. That they will get to hang out with big stars like Freddie Muniz and Nicole Richie. That they will have a completely new life full of paparazzi, drooling journalists and legions of fans. Fantasia believed. According to an “exclusive” interview with her on the American Idol Website, it has been her life goal to become famous. All she just had to do was sacrifice her last name to make it happen. Sign me up.
AMERICAN IDOLS LIVE, Delta Center 300 W. South Temple, Wednesday, July 14, ,7 p.m., 325-SEA
http://www.slweekly.com/editorial/2004/scen_2004-07-08.cfm
:sunny: :music: :) :laugh: :blueeek: :roll:
Killing Me Softly
American Idols Live: Wasn't the TV show enough?
by Jeff Inman
Fantasia Barrino is now just Fantasia. I think I’m going to puke. In a move more shocking than Donald Trump’s hair, the 19-year-old single mother jettisoned her last name like it was a J.Lo husband. OK, so she won American Idol 3. Yeah, Fantasia. She’s proven that she can take bland songs that most of us hoped we’d never have to hear again and, with a bit of coaching by Simon Cowell, Britain’s cattiest queen since Elton John, make them even less exciting. Bully for her. Here are the keys to your 15 minutes of fame.
Sure, the girl’s got pipes. She sings like Macy Gray before all the helium-laced pot, a high-pitched warble from plenty of Sundays in the gospel choir. And maybe with some proper songs—not the normal schmaltz Cowell sent past Idol winners out into the world with—Barrino might actually become more than a reality-TV footnote, a second-rate Willa Ford or maybe even a JoJo. But to actually go so far as to drop her last name, like she’s earned the right to hang with Madonna, Sting and Bono—well, some people will do anything to get in a sentence with those three.
But that’s the blight of American Idol: It makes people believe they’re more than just lucky. Justin Guarini is absolutely convinced he should be bigger than his ’fro, but man, clowns just don’t make good pop stars. And Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard—those guys should be giving each other high-fives over kegs of Courvoisier. They pulled off the biggest dupe of the American public since the Iraq War. Most shower singers are on par with these guys; they just don’t have stylists, vocal coaches and a primetime TV marketing machine to make little girls all gooey.
But because of a massive industry push both managed to make the Billboard charts feel dirty for a few months while the rest of us languished over our Head & Shoulders microphones. And while each play the role of humble showman, it’s hard not to notice that both Aiken and Studdard also think they in some small way deserve it.
And why? Because they’ve got broad smiles and survived heated competition with talents like William Hung. That’s all it takes these days to sneak into the collective conscious of America, people. Crack had a harder time getting noticed. But if you have the ability to destroy a few songs in front of a live studio audience and can cash in some favors for votes then you, too, can be on the cover of Rolling Stone. Pity the poor fools trying to do it the old-fashioned way.
The really irritating thing: American Idol is the Halliburton of network TV. It promises to provide a service to the hardworking folks of America—namely, finding some stunning undiscovered young talent—only to fall short on us every time. Am I to really believe that of all the millions of people in the United States, a 16-year-old kid from Amherst, N.Y., who looks like the product of a night of rough sex between Conan O’Brien and Ron Howard is really one of the best singers we’ve got? Because if that’s the case, then Orrin Hatch should get a Grammy this year.
All I can think is that the really talented singers—you know, the ones who can not only belt it, but also actually write a tune—avoid American Idol in favor of retaining their dignity. That leaves the pimple-faced high-school choir rejects, the home-schoolers who sing along to old Elvis records and the kids with over-enthusiastic parents to try out for this thing. Cream of the crop, for sure.
And the sad thing: Each one truly believes that, some day, Ryan Seacrest will say their name is that oh-so-special way. That they will be famous. That they will get to hang out with big stars like Freddie Muniz and Nicole Richie. That they will have a completely new life full of paparazzi, drooling journalists and legions of fans. Fantasia believed. According to an “exclusive” interview with her on the American Idol Website, it has been her life goal to become famous. All she just had to do was sacrifice her last name to make it happen. Sign me up.
AMERICAN IDOLS LIVE, Delta Center 300 W. South Temple, Wednesday, July 14, ,7 p.m., 325-SEA
http://www.slweekly.com/editorial/2004/scen_2004-07-08.cfm
:sunny: :music: :) :laugh: :blueeek: :roll: