TouchOfMyHand
Aug 30th, 2004, 02:43 PM
HEY YA — THAT WAS BORING!: With four Moonmen apiece, OutKast's "Hey Ya!" and Jay-Z's "99 Problems" were the big winners at last night's so-tame-it's-lame MTV Video Music Awards. Other winners included Usher, Beyonce, No Doubt and — yippee! — Maroon 5. Leading the loser parade were Kanye West, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, all of whom went home empty-handed. Actually, Brit didn't even show up, so, technically, she's a winner.
Full VMA's Review:
MTV Video Music Awards The 2004 event was held in a Miami auditorium that resembled nothing so much as a Las Vegas version of Mad Max's Thunderdome. The only thing missing was Tina Turner. But considering the joint was bulging with cell-phone brandishing post-tweens who probably wouldn't have recognized the pride of Nutbush even if she walked among them in a sandwich board advertising her name in neon lights, it's just as well she didn't show. This year's three and half-year gala was directed by Oscar telecast veteran Louis J. Horvitz, an old hand at allowing cumbersome awards programs to grow tedious long before they run overtime. Of course, even Horvitz would be hard pressed to maintain a tedious pace over that span, so a few fun, even great moments, managed to shine through. Among the more memorable:
Will Smith's appearance in an old-school Mike Schmidt Phillies jersey (Schmidt was with the Phils when they actually played well and won a World Series and stuff) to introduce Miami to the newest member of the Heat. Shaquille O'Neal paused from repeating the phrase "Can you dig it?" long enough to promise the home folks a championship. Shaq then repeated "Can you dig it?" a few more times before sitting down. Hey, he didn't rap.
Australia's Jet rocking out on "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" and winning Best Rock Video.
The bouquet of roses wrapped around Gwen Stefani's head of bleached, billowy curls. I guess the Shirley Temple look was in because the gals broke out the rollers this year — Beyonce, Alicia Keys and Christina Aguilera all sported big hair, but Aguilera stole the show with her sexy post-modern flapper look. That hip-hop-in-a-speakeasy production number was dynamite, giving Aguiliera not only a chance to sing and dance, but also to grab Nelly's trousers. However...
Alicia showed her true tresses in a frizzy 'do that suited her much better — and wore a revealing thong (think Farrah Fawcett-poster revealing) — when she sat behind a piano to perform an exquisite version of "If I Ain't Got You." Nature abhors a cornrow void, however, so Stevie Wonder joined in on harmonica. The song segued into a supercharged "Higher Ground" that Lenny Kravitz desperately tried to ruin with an overwrought Jimi Hendrix impression. The tacky wah-wah guitar fills were bad enough, but that leather fringe get up with the feathers made him look like a cross between Hawkman and Tommy Chong. Lenny also hammed it up in commercials for the Gap in which he ironed his hair to bump and grind with Sarah Jessica Parker.
Keys' tribute to Ray Charles. "He showed us the way across the dial and around the world." Amen, baby.
Kanye West's smoking duet with Chaka Khan — a woman so hip, even saying her name makes you feel cool. Chaka Khan.
Jay-Z's sartorial tribute to Al Capone. Sitting beside him, Beyonce looked like his moll.
Dave Chappelle's bemused question for the crowd: "What don't you like?"
The Terror Squad, Lil' Jon, the East Side Boyz and the Yin Yang Twins shook the house and made Bruce Willis smirk. I'm guessing Bruno forgot his harmonica because he didn't jump up onstage to spark an impromptu jam on the Segram's Golden Wine Cooler jingle.
Mr. "Vote or Die" himself, P. Diddy, on who deserves to win the Best Female Video: "I hope there's a five way tie." That's why he's the activist.
Carson Daly (aka America's favorite tool) introduces the Bush and Kerry girls, each of whom urged the crowd to vote before plugging their respective fathers for the White House. Unfortunately, Jenna and Barbara appeared via satellite from New York, the site of the GOP convention. Too bad, because the Video Music Awards could've used a good on-stage brawl between two sets of well-to-do white girls with high-level political connections. Speaking of which...
The Olsen twins showed up to introduce a routine power ballad by that "inspiration to newlyweds" Jessica Simpson. Mary-Kate also took a moment to "thank people for being so supportive of me the last few months" while trying to get the hang of her hippie-chic threads, which looked about two sizes too big. A girl in the crowd wept. Then Simpson serenaded fans from a trapeze festooned with wedding flowers, which makes me wonder how dumb she really is because she wound her wrist in a hand grip to keep her balance. It was a very smart thing to do — otherwise she may have fallen and squashed people, which would've been tragic as well as funny. The crowd showed its appreciation by waving illuminated cell phones instead of lighters.
Courtney Love didn't do anything self-degrading before millions, mainly because she wasn't there. Fortunately, we still had Jimmy Fallon and that guy in the Big Foot suit with the Beastie Boys.
Jon Stewart's conversation with Rev. Al Sharpton, who vociferously objected to the dearth of black nominees for the Viewer's Choice Award. But having gotten the rhetoric out of his system, Sharpton conceded that he really didn't care because "I voted for my girl Christina (Aguiliera)." Stewart was impressed by the viewers' turnout, amazed "that millions of you are willing to vote for something irrelevant." By the way, the GOP convention starts tonight.
Usher on winning Best Dance Video: "I guess there ain't no comparison between me and Justin Timberlake." Except in Justin Timberlake's version of reality.
The way the sound was always discreetly killed whenever an artist said a bad word. You can rest easy now, Tipper Gore.
Outkast wins Video Of the Year for "Hey Ya" and the joint suddenly looks like a political convention site. Balloons drop and signs pop up everywhere. Some depict of the names of states, others "Choose Or Lose", "I Will Vote" or "I Need a Fake Driver's License." Okay, so the last one wasn't emblazoned on a sign. Because it goes without saying.
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HEY YA — THAT WAS BORING!: With four Moonmen apiece, OutKast's "Hey Ya!" and Jay-Z's "99 Problems" were the big winners at last night's so-tame-it's-lame MTV Video Music Awards. Other winners included Usher, Beyonce, No Doubt and — yippee! — Maroon 5. Leading the loser parade were Kanye West, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, all of whom went home empty-handed. Actually, Brit didn't even show up, so, technically, she's a winner.
Full VMA's Review:
MTV Video Music Awards The 2004 event was held in a Miami auditorium that resembled nothing so much as a Las Vegas version of Mad Max's Thunderdome. The only thing missing was Tina Turner. But considering the joint was bulging with cell-phone brandishing post-tweens who probably wouldn't have recognized the pride of Nutbush even if she walked among them in a sandwich board advertising her name in neon lights, it's just as well she didn't show. This year's three and half-year gala was directed by Oscar telecast veteran Louis J. Horvitz, an old hand at allowing cumbersome awards programs to grow tedious long before they run overtime. Of course, even Horvitz would be hard pressed to maintain a tedious pace over that span, so a few fun, even great moments, managed to shine through. Among the more memorable:
Will Smith's appearance in an old-school Mike Schmidt Phillies jersey (Schmidt was with the Phils when they actually played well and won a World Series and stuff) to introduce Miami to the newest member of the Heat. Shaquille O'Neal paused from repeating the phrase "Can you dig it?" long enough to promise the home folks a championship. Shaq then repeated "Can you dig it?" a few more times before sitting down. Hey, he didn't rap.
Australia's Jet rocking out on "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" and winning Best Rock Video.
The bouquet of roses wrapped around Gwen Stefani's head of bleached, billowy curls. I guess the Shirley Temple look was in because the gals broke out the rollers this year — Beyonce, Alicia Keys and Christina Aguilera all sported big hair, but Aguilera stole the show with her sexy post-modern flapper look. That hip-hop-in-a-speakeasy production number was dynamite, giving Aguiliera not only a chance to sing and dance, but also to grab Nelly's trousers. However...
Alicia showed her true tresses in a frizzy 'do that suited her much better — and wore a revealing thong (think Farrah Fawcett-poster revealing) — when she sat behind a piano to perform an exquisite version of "If I Ain't Got You." Nature abhors a cornrow void, however, so Stevie Wonder joined in on harmonica. The song segued into a supercharged "Higher Ground" that Lenny Kravitz desperately tried to ruin with an overwrought Jimi Hendrix impression. The tacky wah-wah guitar fills were bad enough, but that leather fringe get up with the feathers made him look like a cross between Hawkman and Tommy Chong. Lenny also hammed it up in commercials for the Gap in which he ironed his hair to bump and grind with Sarah Jessica Parker.
Keys' tribute to Ray Charles. "He showed us the way across the dial and around the world." Amen, baby.
Kanye West's smoking duet with Chaka Khan — a woman so hip, even saying her name makes you feel cool. Chaka Khan.
Jay-Z's sartorial tribute to Al Capone. Sitting beside him, Beyonce looked like his moll.
Dave Chappelle's bemused question for the crowd: "What don't you like?"
The Terror Squad, Lil' Jon, the East Side Boyz and the Yin Yang Twins shook the house and made Bruce Willis smirk. I'm guessing Bruno forgot his harmonica because he didn't jump up onstage to spark an impromptu jam on the Segram's Golden Wine Cooler jingle.
Mr. "Vote or Die" himself, P. Diddy, on who deserves to win the Best Female Video: "I hope there's a five way tie." That's why he's the activist.
Carson Daly (aka America's favorite tool) introduces the Bush and Kerry girls, each of whom urged the crowd to vote before plugging their respective fathers for the White House. Unfortunately, Jenna and Barbara appeared via satellite from New York, the site of the GOP convention. Too bad, because the Video Music Awards could've used a good on-stage brawl between two sets of well-to-do white girls with high-level political connections. Speaking of which...
The Olsen twins showed up to introduce a routine power ballad by that "inspiration to newlyweds" Jessica Simpson. Mary-Kate also took a moment to "thank people for being so supportive of me the last few months" while trying to get the hang of her hippie-chic threads, which looked about two sizes too big. A girl in the crowd wept. Then Simpson serenaded fans from a trapeze festooned with wedding flowers, which makes me wonder how dumb she really is because she wound her wrist in a hand grip to keep her balance. It was a very smart thing to do — otherwise she may have fallen and squashed people, which would've been tragic as well as funny. The crowd showed its appreciation by waving illuminated cell phones instead of lighters.
Courtney Love didn't do anything self-degrading before millions, mainly because she wasn't there. Fortunately, we still had Jimmy Fallon and that guy in the Big Foot suit with the Beastie Boys.
Jon Stewart's conversation with Rev. Al Sharpton, who vociferously objected to the dearth of black nominees for the Viewer's Choice Award. But having gotten the rhetoric out of his system, Sharpton conceded that he really didn't care because "I voted for my girl Christina (Aguiliera)." Stewart was impressed by the viewers' turnout, amazed "that millions of you are willing to vote for something irrelevant." By the way, the GOP convention starts tonight.
Usher on winning Best Dance Video: "I guess there ain't no comparison between me and Justin Timberlake." Except in Justin Timberlake's version of reality.
The way the sound was always discreetly killed whenever an artist said a bad word. You can rest easy now, Tipper Gore.
Outkast wins Video Of the Year for "Hey Ya" and the joint suddenly looks like a political convention site. Balloons drop and signs pop up everywhere. Some depict of the names of states, others "Choose Or Lose", "I Will Vote" or "I Need a Fake Driver's License." Okay, so the last one wasn't emblazoned on a sign. Because it goes without saying.
------------------------------------
HEY YA — THAT WAS BORING!: With four Moonmen apiece, OutKast's "Hey Ya!" and Jay-Z's "99 Problems" were the big winners at last night's so-tame-it's-lame MTV Video Music Awards. Other winners included Usher, Beyonce, No Doubt and — yippee! — Maroon 5. Leading the loser parade were Kanye West, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, all of whom went home empty-handed. Actually, Brit didn't even show up, so, technically, she's a winner.