Annoying out of the office notifications

[blubutterfly21]

I don't know about you guys but I could give a rats bum if Chester in marketing won't be in for the day... I care even less about the email I receive letting me know this. My department pokes fun at the nimrods so to give my buddies in support a light note to end off on this Friday I sent this out... because I AM GOING ON VACATION!!! :D:

Subject:Annoying out of the office notification

I will be out of the office from 06/08 to 06/19 in the year 2001. Any attempt to reach me will be futile and most likely frustrating.
I will not be checking email, vmail or snail mail. You will not be able to reach me by phone as I screen my calls, have caller ID, have changed my number, blocked your number and unplugged my phone. I conveniently forgot to pay my cell phone and pager bills so they have been disconnected. Don't bother driving to my house as I have moved, though the new tenants seem friendly and may welcome visitors. :-p

Later guys,
Nalene


Do the "I'm out of the office" emails grate anyone else's nerves?

[insearchofjason]

LMAO... that's funny.

Being from an insanely large company, we don't get out-of-the-office emails from people unless it's going to directly affect us. But we do get the auto-reply emails after sending something to someone who's not in the office.

Come to think of it, I never turned mine on today... oh well.

[leia1191]

I love it!!! And I may steal it for when I'm out of the office next week, if that's ok. . .:D

And in answer to your original question, they drive me nuts. Unless I specifically send an email to someone and request something from them by a certain time, I don't care if they're on vacation in Aruba with some hot blonde swiss ski instructor named Sven.

Hearing that would only make me jealous ;)

[Edited by leia1191 on June 8th, 2001 at 07:40 AM]

[SidewaysY]

Last year, we stopped getting out of the office e mails because we kept sending "away from the desk" e mails. I'd send "I have to go potty now, be back in 5 minutes" and it would follow with my co workers sending "I'm just heading out for a soda, back in three." or "I'm going to take my lunch today at 1:00 instead of 1:30" etc. Eventually, all stopped.

[iggy]

At the last insanely large (and largely insane) company where I worked, we would get global distribution messages from people leaving the firm thanking us and saying good-bye on a regular basis. Most would inspire the "Do I know you?" response. People overestimate their importance all the time, not realizing that you're forgotten five minutes after you leave.

[SidewaysY]

Yes, Iggy, but HERE we get the sad goodbye emails from people we don't know AND get invited to a huge goodbye carry in for them and get to eat lots of free food while wondering just who it is who is leaving! Not to mention the major shift the voided position leaves and the mad rush to fill the position. Lotsa promotions follow. We LOVE to see people go! You have to love State Government.

[insearchofjason]

Have you ever gotten the "This place sucks! They screwed me and they'll screw you too!" kind of goodbye email?

I'm eagerly awaiting my first.

[leia1191]

funny iggy, at the last "insanely large" company I worked for, we got those too. I always panicked when I got them--went thru the whole "am I supposed to know who this is? did I meet them and forget?" thing before I checked the "send to" address and realized they'd sent it to Global Distribution (aka "everyone in the freakin' company, all 10,000 of us).

and ISOJ, I once got an "I'm leaving to go back to school where I'll still have to work 20 hours a day and get paid next to nothing, but I won't have to put up with clients screaming at me anymore when their system crashes." :D

[blubutterfly21]

feel free leia ;).

At my old company they were at least half way intelligent enough to create email alias' per department. So the "I'm gonna go bop Sven in Aruba" messages didn't fall needlessly into my Inbox. Here they aren't too bright, So many times I've wanted to reply to someone with one line "And this effects me how???"

Don't think that'd set to well though ;)

[NikDC]

Get 'em all the time. Hate 'em. I'm all for blu's way though. If I have to have something bounce back to me letting me know you're out of the office, at least make me smile while I read it.

Off the subject, they keep paging Tom Horton and I'm giggling like mad. Next they'll be paging Dr. Marlena Evans if I'm lucky. Yes, I know I'm losing it. Don't mind the loon. :p

[iggy]

A Jennifer Lopez, a Julie Andrews, and a Heather Graham were at my old office and were constantly paged. Each time I looked around for celebrities.

[blubutterfly21]

My favority is our CEO Tom Jones :D yes, I made a joke to him about it... but before I knew he was the CEO ... oops! Stupid newbie :rolleyes:

[Cali_1]

We get a lot of global distribution e-mails from Austin...the memo's are addressed to Ya'll :rolleyes:

We are required to put out of office notifications on our systems. I've gotten yelled at many times for not doing so...Now I put one on every time I'm out, and my boss now yells at me because the messages are too sarcastic...

He's such a gutter rake :)

[NikDC]

Tell him to "Sod Off", Cali. In fact, ISOJ has just the smiley for you to use to do it.

[Bix,threetwosandaBBQ]

Speaking of ace European slanders your boss won't understand..

http://www.peevish.co.uk/slang/

:D

[Cali_1]

Bix, thanks! There are some very interesting "B" words! I'll definitely use this dictionary for my out of office notifications from now on :)

[vester]

I hate those emails! I didn't do one for today (I'm at home) because I like to have that air of mystery.

LOL @ iggy. I always respond to those emails with the do I know you. Or at the minimum, send them on to others in the company and we can make up job descriptions. I got an email from someone communicating for someone in her department, however, English is not her first language or she just misspelled. The email read, "She is working here not more." I responded, "So she's working here less, good gig." It wasn't appreciated.

And last week our receptionist made an announcement that should have stated all MXP users can log in, what she said was, "All MXP losers can log in." I laughed for 15 minutes.

Sometimes you gotta make your own fun. :)

[leia1191]

our receptionist announced this morning that my boss had a call holding on line sex.

you could hear hysterical laughter all over the office :D

[iggy]

How Freudian.

For those of you that think accountants don't have a sense of humor, some cut-up had the reception page Mike Hunt a few years back. He was escorted out of the office. I took his paper clips.

[Bix,threetwosandaBBQ]

That's actually a pretty good one iggy.. seems the few jokesters around here get all their material from the Simpsons.

[vester]

Yea, like Amanda Hugandkiss.
Can I please get Amanda Hugandkiss. Too funny.

And I would like it be known that I, before Porky's, pointed out one Mike Hunt in my high school hallway. It went something like, "Hey there goes ..."

Great laughter ensued at my expense.

[Richard Tafoya]

Here's a classic goodbye email sent to the entirety of the Billboard magazine organization last year and promptly sprayed across the Net:

Note that some names(*) have been altered at the advice of my midriff-baring attorney, the lovely Nik.


77/18/00 12:09:24 PM

To: Bosslady 1*, BPI Communications
Bosslady 2*, VP Billboard Music Group

Fr: Out of here*, Former Employee As Of NOW!

Sj: My Resignation & Exercise of my rights to free speech

MAKE SURE A COPY OF THIS IS PLACED IN MY PERSONNEL FILE.

It is with a great deal of pleasure that I tender my resignation to you,
effective immediately. Working for an Airhead with no people skills and no
sense of management - well, just no sense, period and a Prozac Popping Moron
is Waaaaaaay beneath anything that I ever envisioned when I came to work for
this organization.

Bosslady 1*, since neither Bosslady 2* nor you can count to 22 without removing your
bras; I doubt that you've bothered to count all the duties I've performed
while busting my ass, filling in for every gap in this office when you,
Bosslady 1*, consistently hired incompetent, imbeciles to work in nearly every
aspect of your department.

I'm tired of it, since I was expected to take it and all the other abuses
from your 12 personalities without complaint.

Bosslady 1*, keep in mind as you read this, it all came about because you tried to
punish me for complaining about a worthless boob you hired, refused to make
him work and was then basically forced to fire him.

Everyone here complained about him as much and as loudly as me. But, no one
had the nerve to tell you like it is, but me. Yet, I was the one who had to
take up his slack. What ever made you think you could force me to accept
that? What ever made you think you were any match for me? You're forgetting
one small factor - you need a job - I DON'T!

So, recently you tried to "discipline" me for speaking my mind. I
vehemently object to this and refuse to accept it when the person making the
accusations (in this case, you Bosslady 1*) is unwilling to set an example. Since
you aren't, I am perfectly willing to share with any interested parties,
the nature of your gossip. Compare this to the fact that the worst I did was
call a lummox you hired, who couldn't come to work before noon, an
incompetent moron.

Actually, I think I may have referred to him as "Lurch", as well, since it
was hard to remember his real name while doing both his job and my own and
covering the front desk, as needed, while you sit back in your office and
pop Prozac or plan your next prayer meeting or work on your next church
bulletin on company time.

Bosslady 1*, to refresh your "memory lapse", let me list some of the "confidential"
information that you have imparted to me over the past two+ years, and then
you decide who should be disciplined!

Bosslady 2*, if blowing Big Boss Guy* got you where you are (as Bosslady 1* says it
did), apparently you must be a better lay than her or now she'd be back in
the Hell Corner where you are - slowly and systematically blowing this
magazine into the dumper like you did with Musician Magazine. What did it
take you, 5 years to completely destroy a magazine that had been around for
20 years or so?

Duh?????

And according to you Bosslady 1*, I guess when Howard dumped you for Bosslady 2*, that's
when you started screwing Office Guy 1*? Of course, as you once told me, "He's
the worst lay I ever had, but he is my Insurance Policy and that's why I
make over $50,000 a year!" As I recall, it was something about his "Napolean
Complex" that bothered you? Remember? What a pompous repulsive slug you are!

Oh gee, maybe I shouldn't mention, your very recent "Confidential" memo to
Office Guy 1* trying to go behind Bosslady 2*'s back & be the "local" Human Resources person
for Nashville. (copy of that memo attached). Didn't you tell me I wasn't
allowed to go to Bosslady 2* behind your back without you first asking your
permission and making an appointment for both of us?

Keep in mind I only have this memo because you are so stupid you printed it
out at my
printer and left it for two days! All this from the same person who told me
that your own sister was a bitch who screwed____???___ in our editorial
department, and he in turn screwed___???____ also in the editorial
department who you
pointedly mentioned was also a lesbian.

You're also the same "Human Resources Wannabe", who told me about a
couple of employees' confidential medical conditions and that one of our
sales reps still working here in Nashville, once was arrested here in the
office (taken from the desk by the police) and went to jail for 11 months,
29 days or so after pleading guilty of child molesting. According to you,
"the idiots in New York made the Nashville office take that person back
again when that person was released from jail." What a confidential /
trusted HR
person you would make! Please note that I omitted printing the names of
these folks (as told to me by you, Bosslady 1*) to protect my "so-called guilty"
co-workers. But I'm sure they recognize themselves.

Oh, and lest I forget, Bosslady 1*, remember how you hate Office Gal 1*? And
how you said Office Gal 2* does too? How stupid you guys think she is? How you hate
Office Guy 2* for "talking down" to you and his yawning and boredom the
whole time you're talking to him? More idle gossip, I'd say. But, oops -
from YOU - not from ME. What leadership qualities you possess!

Now, what were you saying about discipline? I don't know if these
allegations you made are true, but I suppose the ones who were involved know
the truth.

Now Bosslady 2*, how legitimate was my complaints (and a million others from
everyone else) about "Crazy Bosslady 1*" that fell on your deaf ears? How many more
pizzas will she have to throw in someone's face (and you do know what I
mean) before you realize she's barely a functioning idiot savant? What was
that you said about respecting my boss? Yuk! Gag! Kinda makes you feel that
way too now, huh?

Wake up New York and check out the figures on the paper instead of those
under the skirts. Having leaders with something
between their ears instead of their legs might actually be a great concept
here!

Bosslady 1* - Looks to me like you finally ''''ed with the wrong person! That would
be me!

In case anyone who reads this thinks I laid a copy on someone's desk and
disappeared, think again. It wouldn't have been in my nature to not get to
see Bosslady 1*'s face when someone actually let her know that enough is enough.

Can you say "American Beauty II?"

Good luck in finding my replacement and good damn riddance !

[MerrySunshine]

Just got a message thanking me (all of us really) for the "luscious food tray from Nieman Marcus" that the firm apparently sent one of our number on the occasion of the arrival of a new baby. I just know there's got to be a better address than the global firm list to send a thank you note.

And, by the way, when did it become OK to send these global e-mails than to take the time to write a proper thank you note and drop it in the mail . . . hey, even inter-office mail. Miss Manners would be shocked and scandalized by the loose etiquette caused by the e-mail!

[NikDC]

:eek:

*cuts and pastes into a Word document for later use someday*

[Short Chris]

Gosh, I'd love to hear the reaction you get if you call on a reference check for that guy!

[leia1191]

Man, I wish I'd had the guts to write something like that when I left my last job.

[Short Chris]

Vester, "Mike Hunt"? Did you ride the short bus to school?

By the way, another name along those lines is "Heywood Jablome".

[Bix,threetwosandaBBQ]

Ditto Nik... I wonder if that person was a little angry..

[Edited by Bix,threetwosandaBBQ on June 8th, 2001 at 11:42 AM]

[SidewaysY]

Nothing wrong with getting ideas from the Simpsons, but we at our office got the idea from an e mail entitled "How to drive your co-workers crazy." It had things in there similar to sending e mails about whenever you left your desk, and replacing your "IN BOX" with a trash can, etc.

Good ideas are good ideas, as long as you know when and where they'd work best!

[vester]

I saw that SY, it had something in it about adding, would you like fries with that to every response.

X, as soon as the words came out of my mouth, I knew I'd never live it down. I was very naive. :)

[SidewaysY]

My personal favorite is to page yourself repeatedly- in your own voice.